Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
