he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
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