I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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