Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Randomize
