he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
