I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Randomize