I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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