He disabled his match.com account in front of me
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
