Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Randomize
