laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Randomize
