hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
