We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
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