my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
