I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
