I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
she pinky promised me she was 18
You're like the curious george of whores
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Randomize
