All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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