Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
