Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Randomize
