Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I won't apologize to a one balled man
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
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