Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize