To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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