So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
