She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Randomize
