I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Randomize
