I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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