a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
This is classic penis vs brain.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
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