I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize
