OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize
