Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
