ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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