I'm laying in your front yard are you home
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
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