we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Randomize
