Come see our sink grown plant.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Randomize
