just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
