she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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