Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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