just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
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