I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
17 year olds will be the death of me.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Randomize
