Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
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