If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
