Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
