She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
