Four minutes until I can fart!
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
