i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
my vag is so smooth its legendary
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
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