Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
