Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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