What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
