I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Randomize
