why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Randomize
