so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
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