he thought i was a dude.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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