I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Randomize