your parents love me but you hate me
Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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