Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
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