I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
