we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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