The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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