i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
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