Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Are my feet made of real feet?
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I think my nap took me to another dimension
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize
