i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Do you have feelings for this penis?
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
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