Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
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