im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize