i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
