i wish peter jackson would direct porn
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Randomize
