hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
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