Porn is love you can see.
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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