The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Randomize
