She said her name was "party"
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
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