apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
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