Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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