We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
