i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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