My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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