somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize