I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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