You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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