wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
