my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Randomize
