god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
