she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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