the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
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