You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
