dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
