just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
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