I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Randomize
