What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize
