Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
