very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
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