she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
