we have officially lost it.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Randomize
