can we get nightvision for the apartment?
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I just forgot I was standing up.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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