Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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