broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
Randomize
