I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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