dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Randomize
