ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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