Me too!
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
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