I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I think my moral compass just broke
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