$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize