Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
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