I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Randomize
