$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
