If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Randomize
