I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Randomize
