i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
