So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Randomize
