Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize