the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize